Ade Jolie’s Place Of Freedom











{December 21, 2008}   So Close…But Untouchable…

Laki-laki itu duduk di sebelahku. Matanya sedikit terpicing, terpaku kejalanan di depannya. Kedua tangannya memegang kemudi dengan santai namun mantap. Wajah lembutnya dihiasi senyum yang sangat kusukai. Suara merdu Michael Bubble yang menyanyikan lagu “Put Your Hand On My Shoulder” mengalun pelan dari CD Player, lembut dan tenang, seolah berusaha semakin mensyahdukan suasana malam ini.

Beberapa detik lalu kami tertawa bersama. Hal yang sudah lama tidak bisa kami lakukan. Hal yang jujur saja sangat aku rindukan. Entah itu suara tawanya, senyum khasnya, atau pun tatapan matanya saat tertawa. Moment yang sangat berharga bagiku.

Aku menatap ke luar jendela, ke arah jalanan yang ditaburi cahaya lampu malam yang berkelap-kelip indah. Dia kembali berkonsentrasi dengan jalanan di hadapannya. Untuk sesaat membiarkan keheningan yang damai menyelimuti kami, membiarkan Michael Bubble menguasai atmosfer diantara kami.

Lalu entah dari mana, muncul perasaan yang sudah lama kukenal. Perlahan, namun pasti dan menyakitkan, perasaan itu menyelinap ke dalam hatiku, seperti jarum suntik yang menembus kulit dan daging. Aku menghela nafas, berusaha menahan sakit itu semampu ku. Tapi ternyata lagi-lagi aku kalah. Kini perasaan itu menguasai hatiku, seperti malam yang mengalahkan siang, perlahan, anggun sekaligus mengerikan.

Aku menunduk menatap lututku. Berusaha menjaga supaya emosi ini tidak meluap keluar. Perlahan aku menoleh ke arahnya. Menatap wajahnya, mengingat setiap detail yang bisa kuingat, meresapi aura teduh yang keluar dari sosoknya, menghirup aroma tubuhnya yang tercium samar-samar. Tuhan…betapa besar rasa sayangku untuk laki-laki ini…entah sejak kapan…mungkin sejak Engkau menggariskan kami untuk bertemu dan menghabiskan malam bersama dua tahun yang lalu. Di antara bintang di langit dan di lembah di bawah kami. Disaat aku menyadari bahwa ternyata diriku menyayangi laki-laki ini dengan sepenuh jiwa ragaku. Kesadaran yang mengejutkanku. Sebuah perasaan yang seketika menghentak dan menghancurkan ruang damai di hatiku. Perasaan yang menyeretku ke sebuah tempat yang tidak kukenal. Indah sekaligus menakutkan dan terlarang…

Dia tersadar dan menoleh kearahku. Menatap dengan tatapannya yang lembut namun menusuk tajam hatiku.

“Kenapa ?” ujarnya.

“Gak apa2…cuma pengen liat muka Kamu aja…” ujarku sambil tersenyum.

Dan…Tuhan ! Dia tersenyum lembut…sebuah senyum yang bisa membunuh akal sehatku. Aku benci melihat dia tersenyum seperti itu, tapi sekaligus menikmatinya. Aku terpaku menatap wajahnya, tidak bisa berkata apapun. Aku meremas kedua tanganku, mencoba mencari cara supaya menjaga diriku tetap waras dan akal sehatku pada tempatnya. Sekaliii…saja…sekali saja ya Tuhan…aku sangat ingin menyetuh dan memeluknya…sekali saja…atau aku bisa mati karena perasaan ini.

“Udah nyampe rumah kamu nih…” katanya.

Aku tersadar dan melihat keluar, disana rumahku berdiri dengan tenangnya, menawarkan perlindungan untuk hatiku yang saat ini rapuh.

“Makasih ya. Kamu udah mau nganterin Aku beli cincin buat calon tunangan Aku. Dia pasti seneng dan terkejut waktu Aku ngelamar dia besok waktu acara makan malem. Sekali lagi makasih banyak ya…” ujarnya.

Aku terpaku, mulutku kelu, tak bisa berkata apa…

“Hmm…ya…sama2…” ujarku “Aku turut berbahagia ya buat kalian…Dia itu sahabatku…kamu harus jaga dia baik2…yah ?”

Dia mengangguk mantap dan tersenyum. Sepintas tangannya menyentuh tanganku sambil sekali lagi mengucapkan terima kasih.

Tolong…jangan lakukan itu…hal itu menyiksaku !!

Aku menatap wajahnya lagi. Menikmati moment ini untuk terakhir kalinya. Tanganku terulur, ragu hendak menyentuh wajahnya. Apakah aku berani untuk menyentuhnya ? Tuhan…dia begitu dekat denganku. Bahkan aku bisa menghirup aroma tubuhnya dan merasakan hembusan nafasnya. Dia begitu dekat…tapi tidak dapat disentuh. So close…but untouchable…

Akal sehat menyuruhku untuk membuka pintu mobil dibelakangku dan kemudian beranjak keluar. Bunyi pintu mobil yang menutup menghancurkan hatiku.

Aku berlalu tanpa menoleh lagi. Namun satu suara lembut yang memanggil namaku membuat langkahku terhenti. Aku menoleh dan melihatnya tersenyum.

“Sekali lagi terima kasih banyak ya…selamat istirahat…”

Aku tak bisa berkata apa2. Tenggorokanku tercekat menahan sesak. Mataku panas oleh luapan emosi. Aku hanya bisa tersenyum setulus yang aku mampu dan mengangguk, menelan semua rasa sakit yang hampir muncul ke permukaann. Serasa menelan seribu jarum yang menusuk2 tenggorokan, turun ke perutku, menusuk hatiku, lalu menusuk jantung dan paru-paruku hingga aku lupa caranya bernafas.

Detik kemudian laki-laki itu lenyap dari pandanganku. Hilang ditelan gelap malam bersama deru mobil dan debu jalanan yang berterbangan. Hancur…hilang…seperti serpihan hatiku yang kini terserak di lautan jiwa.

Dan aku…masih berdiri disini…memandang hampa kearah dia menghilang. Berharap dia datang berlari dan merengkuh hati rapuhku ke dalam pelukan hangatnya. Sebuah harapan mustahil yang justru kian menyakitiku, kian membunuhku. Bulir bening mengaliri pipiku, membentuk sungai-sungai kecil yang menambah perih luka hatiku. Semakin deras karena jebolnya tanggul pertahanan emosiku.

Aku menatap langit, ke arah bintang yang bersinar lembut dan berkelip manja. Sinarnya semakin redup…redup…dan redup…terhalang air mata yang menggenang. Terhisap sesak dan pusaran rasa sakit. Tenggelam dalam lautan perih yang hitam dan tak bertepi. Dan aku…hilang di dalamya…tak terselamatkan…

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{December 20, 2008}   Bangun Tidur

Jam nunjukkin pukul 10.35 pagi waktu saya membuka mata hari ini. Hoaaaa…another day of wake up late !! Tapi tak mengapa…toh hari ini libur. Hehehehhe…

Hal yang pertama saya lakuin adalah : cuci muka. Selanjutnya berjalan otomatis, pipis sama p**p, minum air putih segelas, nyalain laptop, ngambil cemilan, ambil bantal duduk, ambil air lagi segelas dan…langsung online !! Hoho…

Hmm…bakal ada kejadian apa ya hari ini ??



{December 19, 2008}   Cinta Itu Jorok ??

Hmmm…

Malem ini kayaknya aku menemukan suatu hal yang cukup lucu. Buah pemikiran konyol dari orang yang gak ada kerjaan. Entah kenapa aku ngerasa kalo cinta itu jorok !! Iya…jorok banget malah !!!

Eits…jangan mikirin yang aneh2 dulu ya…

Maksud aku dengan jorok disini tuh : cinta itu bisa ditemuin dimana-mana !! Disembarang tempat…bahkan di lokasi-lokasi yang kadang-kadang gak masuk akal. Kita gak hanya bisa nemuin cinta di rumah, sekolah, kampus atau kantor. Kadang-kadang kita juga bisa ketemu cinta di pasar, angkot, pom bensin, halte bis, hotel, pasar swalayan, anywhere…u named it !

Konyol emang…tapi kenyataan yang terjadi bahkan bisa lebih konyol lagi dari itu. Siapa sih yang bakal bisa nebak bahwa nanti siang dia bakal ketemu sama cinta ditengah-tengah kegiatannya ngantri beli perangko di kantor pos (?) atau saat dia lagi iseng beli es cendol di depan komplek rumah.

Jawabannya…

Cuma Tuhan yang tau !!!



{December 19, 2008}   Case Analysis Task

Case Study

Diana’s Disappointment : The Promotion Stumbling Block

Case Overview

Diana is a General Manager who wants to become a District Manager. But she was failed to get promoted at the last district manager interview. She was so shocked and upset about not getting promoted.

Diana thought she is qualified for the position due to her performance at work. She manages her restaurant completely by the operational manual book, meticulously adhered to policies and procedures and rigorously controlled expenses. In result, her restaurant sales are growing -in spite of new competitions in the market and she received relatively few costumer complaints. The only things that is little out of the line was the higher turnover among her staff.

Diana not too concerned about this. However, the reason for this situation is because she had a high standard for both herself and her employees. She didn’t think she should bend the rules for anyone, for whatever reason. It was her responsibility to make the restaurant was managed strictly in accordance with the operation manual, and she could not allow deviations. Even, Diana was called as “ice maiden” by her employees because of her way of management.

Case Analysis

We will start to examine Diana’s case within the framework of emotional intelligence domains -which is form hierarchy from the lowest to the highest, of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management.

Emotional intelligence (EI), as we know is a set of competencies that allow us to perceive, understand, and regulate emotions in ourselves and in others. EI can be organized into four dimensions representing the recognition of emotions in ourselves and in others, as well as the regulation of emotions in ourselves and in others.

The first dimension from EI, the lowest dimension, is self-awareness. It refers to having a deep understanding of one’s own emotions as well as strength, values, and motives. In Diana’s case, we can see that she have a high self-awareness. She knows what she wants ; being a district manager. A desirable position for any general manager, like her, and was her goal since she began working in the industry.

She knows, or thought, that she was even more than qualified for the position due to her performance and track record. Growing sales, well managed restaurant, few costumer complaints -she was technically competent ! It is no doubt that Diana knows her strength (ability to manage the restaurant), values (hard working, loyalty), and motive (being a district manager) very well.

The second dimension is self-management. It represents how well we control or redirect our internal states, impulses and resources. It also involves an inner conversation that guides our behavior. Diana have capability to manage herself  in order to reach her goal. She already prepare herself to be a district manager since a long time. She also able to not let her feeling take over the control of her performance. She only focuses on how to run the restaurant and become a district manager. She even named “ice maiden” by her staffs.

She is a loyal employee for her company. She was display integrity between herself and the restaurant, and able to maintaining the drive to perform well. She gave her best performance and do it strictly. She also sets a high standard for herself to push her work harder and better.

However, at the end, when she was told that she would not be promoted to be district manager, she can’t control her emotions and left the meeting room before the meeting is finish. Her self-management was collapse, left her in a crushing disappointment.

The third dimension is social awareness ; it is mainly about empathy -having understanding and sensitivity to the feelings, thoughts and actions of other. This includes understanding another person’s situation, experiencing the other emotions, and knowing their needs even unstated. At this dimension, Diana wasn’t good enough.

Diana rarely paid attention to what her employees said. She never think about her employees feeling toward their overload work, their tight ship, until the unfriendly work environment. She always think that everything’s just fine since her restaurant always met it’s target finance. The interactions between Diana and her employees happened mechanically because she seemed aloof from them.

Diana was too focus on her goals and the restaurant that she put aside the importance of paying attentions to her staffs. It seems like she only use the employees as her “helpers” to reach her own ambition. She even never try to talk and listen -she keep a distance from her staff, to what her employee feels and needs. For her, it is no need to do that because it is not connected -directly, to the work.

The fourth dimension, and the highest in hierarchy of EI dimensions, is relationship management. It is refers to managing other people’s emotions, linked to a wide variety of practices ; inspiring others, influencing people’s beliefs and feelings, developing other’s capabilities, cultivating relationship, etc. And because of Diana was bad in social awareness, she also bad in this dimension.

The high number turn-over among her staff is a clear indicator that shows Diana wasn’t able to manage relationship between she and her staff. She fired three employees because of they decide to try a new costumer service tactic -which is she called innovation they dreamed up, rather than complying with the established process. She wasn’t about to let anything to change her successful management strategy. Here, we can see that she wasn’t able to allow her staffs develop their new capabilities.

Until here, we can infer that Diana’s Emotional Intelligence isn’t good enough. We can say that Diana have a middle to low EI, because her interpersonal relation wasn’t good and she couldn’t give a good performance in jobs requiring emotional labor. It is no wonder that Diana have a good capability to manage herself. But when it comes to manages relationship between she and her staff, we couldn’t say that she did it well. She isn’t able to manage her staff’s emotional aspect. It is because she never try or care to really “touch” them.

In result, there is a gap between Diana and her staff. Creating a situation where finally her staff feels no longer can’t stand with her and decide to leave the restaurant. That’s why the turnover among her staff is high. Other good manager would think what was wrong, is it really because of the employee’s mistake or it is pure from his or her own mistake, their leadership style for instance. Otherwise, she looks at this situation as “personality differences” or “miscommunications” over her directives.

Then, if Diana want to be promoted in the future, she had to develop her ability in managing the relationship. She must learn how to be more emphatic to the other’s feeling, in this case her employees’ feelings. She had to pay more attention to her staff’s feelings, their wants, need, emotion. Perhaps, she also have to changed her leadership style, which is also influence by her lack of ability to manage other’s emotions.

The company should help Diana’s developmental effort. It is to waste if at the end a potential, hard worker and loyal employee like Diana only hold the responsibility as a general manager. And so, they should send Diana to the Emotional Training Program.

But the homework doesn’t finish here. After Diana followed the training program, she must be able to perform her new ability in managing other’s emotions. Therefore, Diana should be given others effective way to improve her EI trough personal coaching, plenty of practices, and frequent feedback.



{December 17, 2008}   First Posting

My First posting at my blog…

^.^



{December 16, 2008}   Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!



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